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A Couple More Thoughts about “Falling Out of Love”

As a Pastor probably the most common phrase that we hear from people who are considering divorce is “we just fell out of love”. Gary Thomas says, “Couples don’t fall out of love so much as they fall out of repentance” That statement has absolutely ROCKED my world – I have literally thought about it every day since I heard it. People quit living lives that are guarded by repentent hearts. It is impossible for you to be in a relationship with God, one where you are in daily communication, one that says, “Lord, I ask You to help me to follow You in all of my ways today” and later in that same day look at your spouse and say, “I don’t love you anymore and I want to live a separate life from you”.

“Couples don’t fall out of love so much as they fall out of repentance” – Gary Thomas

In a article he wrote some years back he writes of the way that marriage is designed by God to make us more like Jesus. He tells this story,

One of the challenges my wife and I faced in our marriage centered around ice cube trays. Lisa rarely filled them back up, so when I pulled out a tray it might have just two or three ice cubes left. This frustrated me no end. So one time when my wife was talking romantically, telling me she would love me forever, I replied, “I don’t need you to love me forever. I need you to love me for seven seconds.”

“What are you talking about?” she asked.

“Well, I timed how long it takes to fill the ice cube trays and put them in the freezer, and that’s about seven seconds..”

The next morning, however, it dawned on me while I was praying that if it takes my wife just seven seconds to fill the ice cube trays, how long does it take me? Seven seconds, naturally. And the question I believe God placed in my heart was piercing: Is my love so shallow that I would seriously resent my wife putting me out for seven seconds’ worth of work? After all of her love and commitment to me, am I so spiritually immature that I grow angry at seven extra seconds of lost labor?

The sad answer was, “Yes, I am that immature.” (you can read the rest of this excellent article here)

Maybe you get that. Maybe you’ve had a similar experience just as I have. You find yourself seeing your spouse’s flaws yet missing your own. What I have found to be my biggest issue is the wickedness of my own heart.

(Proverbs 4:23 NIV) Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.

How’s your heart? You know, i have realized about myself that I am better at monitoring Keyna’s actions than I am at guarding my own heart. We believe that if we can get them to be who WE want them to be it will be better. “If he would just change I wouldn’t be angry all the time” or “If she would quit nagging me I would be more apt to do what she wants”. It’s his fault! She makes me that way! Sounds like the excuses in the garden. v.12-13.

Your ability to successfully fight FOR your marriage has as much to do with the condition of your heart as it does with the behavior of your spouse. Guard your heart for everything great in life flows from it.

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